Life as we know it

So today my good friend Melissa has me thinking. She is getting a liver biopsy so I am thinking of her and praying everything goes well. But also thinking a lot about what she has been talking to me about. It has made me realize how impatient I am about things in my life. Maybe I need to slow down and take things one day at a time instead of planning my next 1o years out. I know that it's good to have goals, but I think I may dramatize this. Like our bathroom needing to get done. It really didn't all have to get done right away. But I needed to get it all done right now.

Well then I start thinking about us having a family, a baby, everything we want. We have wanted kids since we have been together. We have known that we would start trying right away. I guess when I say that I forget about "Kyle's Timeline". He had a timeline set up for our relationship. We would date, then after about a year of dating we would move in together, then after 2 years of living together we would get engaged, we would have a 2 year engagement, then get married, we would be married for 3 years before we started to have a family. This would make me 32 when we started to make a family! He was crazy...just imaging, we would just now be living together. We wouldn't be engaged, definitely not married, and for sure not trying to start a family.

This just makes me laugh when I look at where we were a year ago...I've always wanted kids, it's never been a doubt at all. When I was married to Matt I always wanted a family. I could have gone off of birth control and he would never have known, but that's obviously not me. I think something deep down made me realize that I didn't want to have kids with Matt. When I met Kyle we talked about having kids on our first date. It was something that was very important to me and to him. And that meant the world to me.

I guess I expected that as soon as we got married we would start trying...which we have been doing since well shortly before we got married. I know I know...wrong, immoral, sinful. Anyway...I guess I expected that we would get pregnant right away. Well we obviously aren't as of right now...that I know of anyway. So my typical impatience is getting to me saying...why aren't we getting pregnant? Well there could be lots of reasons...God has decided that we aren't ready yet and maybe we won't be ready ever...maybe God doesn't intend for us to have our own children, maybe he has different plans for us. I have never been a very big "God has a plan" person, until recently.

Which all makes me feel so bad for our friends that have been trying for years so I ask that anyone that reads this pray for them to have what God has intended and to hope that that will include them getting pregnant.

Love all!